Band Practice

Have you ever resisted and persisted with something that was clearly not serving you? Only to find you were neglecting your true talent or purpose?

Our wonderful program co-ordinator Suzanne shares more wisdom.

Through high school from year 7 – 11, I was in the school band.  3^rd clarinet, never any better than that.  To tell the truth – I could not play the clarinet to save my life.  Each band practice if I was called to play – I always suddenly had a broken reed (which is a necessity to play a wood wind instrument).   I did start from scratch with the basics over and over.  My main problem was I could not keep time.  My mind wandered.  I would continually loose my place in the music.   I kept resisting and persisting and grew not to love music.   The day I quit the band was such a relief.

Have you ever resisted and persisted with something that was clearly not serving you? Only to find you were neglecting your true talent or purpose?

I realised after all that time I had a talent but not for music.  Painting was my purpose.  I also later realised that the reason I had ever taken up clarinet was my father he was a huge fan of Benny Goodman (Google it if you do not know who this master was.)  I learnt that you have to find your own purpose and not follow another’s passion.  You need to follow your own dream.

I am content to just admire musicians and enjoy their music now, I will never be Benny Goodman or even the 4^th Dixie Chick as my singing is another story.  I do however make my own music through painting.    The brushstrokes flow, my paintings follow their own rhythm as I live in the moment creating them.   It is always about the journey.

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Stress Reduction Tips Part 2

Continued….. Read Part 1 of Stress Reduction Tips by Petrea King here.

A tranquil spot at the Quest for Life Centre

8. Live in the present.

Wherever you are, be there! The past cannot be undone. Many of the things that we think will happen never do. The present is full of possibility and potential. When we are stressed, our view of the world shrinks and solutions seem to evade us. Planning and evaluating are very important. Much of our stress comes from the worry of what might happen in the future or the regrets of the past. A good day’s worry is far more exhausting than a good day with an axe. When we’ve had a good day with an axe we fall into bed and sleep like a baby. When we’ve spent a day worrying, we twitch all night and sleep is illusive. If you need to forgive yourself or others in order to release yourself from the past then learn from the experience, forgive and move on with greater knowledge and understanding.

Dealing with the past

A reaction to disappointing previous performance is best handled in three stages. First, on the emotional level, it may be necessary to experience the anger or frustration. If the emotion is a negative one, the second stage is reaching an acceptance of the performance and “letting go.” Finally, you should evaluate what you’ve learned from the experience.

Dreading the future

Catastrophic expectations of what you will do, or what will happen in the future can be harnessed as well. One way is to imagine the same situation happening to a friend. Since you can be more objective when you are not involved, this may help you recognise that your fears are exaggerated and that positive results are also possible.

Focusing on the present: It’s possible to bring yourself into the present by focusing on the information currently coming to you through your five senses. Your body is always in the present whereas the mind jumps ahead into the future or focuses on things from the past. By bringing the attention of your mind to the experiences of your body, you automatically bring your awareness into the present moment. What do you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Touch? This is a helpful reminder that NOW is.

9. Exercise.

Exercising for 40 minutes can reduce stress levels for up to three hours. Find regular and enjoyable exercise, which can be realistically incorporated into your week. Four or five times a week is a good goal to aim for.

10. Breathe deeply.

Before a potentially stressful encounter or complex meeting, stop, bring yourself into the present moment and breathe! A few long slow deep breaths, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth will help you release any anticipatory tension. Breathe in relaxation, breathe out stress. To stop tension from building up throughout your working day, stop regularly, bring your focus back to the present by connecting with the senses of your body and take half a dozen long slow deep breaths. Leave aside the tensions of the past and focus once more upon the job at hand.

11. Learn to relax.

Familiarity with progressive relaxation techniques helps us to recognise when we are becoming stressed. Having the ability to physically unwind is the first step to letting go mental tension. Regular use of a good relaxation tape will take the stress out of learning the technique!

12. Learn to meditate.

Learning to meditate can be the next simple step in relaxing the mind so that it becomes quieter. With a quiet and focused mind our intuition, inspiration and imagination become more readily accessible. Meditation need have no religious association though many people feel they become more spiritually alive when they meditate regularly. Meditation is one of the greatest tools for improving clarity, concentration and memory and for achieving mastery over our lives.

13. Have a purpose.

Get passionate about something! Learn to recognise and fulfil your purpose. If we are engaged in activities and relationships that are nurturing and fulfilling to us, we are less likely to find them stressful. When we feel passionate and enthusiastic about something we can speak from a real sense of authentic genuineness. Nothing beats authenticity.

14. Take care of your body.

A healthy mind in a healthy body gives us the best chance of accomplishing our purpose. Increase your fibre intake by including plenty of fruit, vegetables, legumes and cereals. Reduce your intake of red meat to once or twice a week and replace it with seafood or chicken. Maintain your ideal body weight. Cutting back on fatty food will lower your total cholesterol and help you lose weight. Have at least two alcohol- free days a week. Stop smoking. Get adequate good quality rest and sleep.

Petrea King

N.D., D.R.M., D.B.M., Dip Cl. Hyp., I.Y.T.A.

Petrea King is a well-known author, inspirational speaker, counsellor and workshop leader. She has practiced many forms of meditation since the age of seventeen and she is also qualified as a naturopath, herbalist, hypnotherapist, yoga and meditation teacher.

In 1983 Petrea was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia and was not expected to live.  Meditation and the integration of past traumatic experiences became paramount in her recovery, much of which was spent in a monastery near Assisi in Italy.

Since then, Petrea has counselled individually or through residential programs more than 60,000 people living with life-challenging illnesses, grief, loss, trauma and tragedy. Petrea sees crisis as a catalyst for spiritual growth and understanding and as an opportunity for healing and peace.

Petrea has received the Advance Australia Award and the Centenary Medal for her contribution to the community. She has been nominated for Australian of the Year in each year since 2004.

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Midlife – Crisis or Opportunity

Jane Ewins

I have been thinking about the number of people I am meeting at present in their 40’s and 50’s who are searching and often struggling to find answers to their version of two questions: “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” and “I feel like I have lost myself – who am I?”

I went through a similar search after finishing treatment for cancer. I was 44 and at the time hoping I’d make it to 50! I think significant crises like cancer, acute and chronic illnesses, car accidents etc often become a catalyst to reviewing our lives. It seems to me that approaching 50 and moving towards our 60’s also seems to trigger similar questions in increasing numbers of people. I guess that’s why “they” call it a midlife crisis!

There are apparently “logical” reasons for this including children leaving home, (or at least children paying board!), divorce, early retirement, retrenchment, reaching the top of the work-force chain in your chosen line of work, the death of a parent.

While some of the people I have spoken with may talk about one or more of those things as causing them anxiety or grief, without exception, these “causes” are far too simplistic and don’t scratch the surface of the “real” reasons. While they sense there is a deeper “reason” it is often hard to actually identify what is really going on under the surface. This can feel frustrating, because if we can’t properly identify the problem – how on earth do we “fix it”! This can feel like a never ending circle going round and round – no beginning – no end – no relief, or worse: a spiral going down and down, leading to deep depression.

From my own personal experience and through my work as a counselor and group facilitator I think what is happening may be described as an internal spiritual alarm -whispering to some, singing or screaming to others  “ So you’re halfway through life, how are you going to live the rest of it – you’re on the downhill slope? What is your life about?”

To recognize that we are not getting any younger and that “life waits for no (wo) man” can be an invigorating shake up if we choose to see it as an opportunity to take stock of our lives – see what we want to take with us – physically, emotionally and spiritually for the second half, discard what we don’t and become aware of what it is that provides the spark and enthusiasm to live the second half of our lives.

Some people may realise that their life is ok, but they have been taking it for granted and it only needs a bit of a polish – gratitude, and awareness of and recommitment to what is important. Others they may feel they need a personal renovation rescue team for their life!

There are many resources available to help us when we reach a crossroad whether it be the big 50, illness or crisis. In my experience the most important thing each of us can do is recognize and acknowledge that we are feeling challenged/scared/angry/depressed/uncertain/excited or whatever it is we are feeling, then depending on your religious and/or spiritual preferences trust and ask soul/god/Allah/the universe/your higher self for guidance on a regular basis and create at some quiet time in your life on a daily basis to still your mind.

There are many books, cds, workshops and programs that can support you in finding, perhaps it is more appropriate to say – creating- the answers to your questions. Those answers are yours and yours alone. Others can support and encourage you through sharing what they have learned and experienced, but only you can decide what is right for you.

Midlife can be a wonderful opportunity to explore our untapped or underutilized creativity, interests and wisdom. We may be getting looser skin, greyer hair, senior memory moments – but we still have a lot of living to do. My mother gave me a card on my 16^th birthday which said “to thyne own self be true”….the crises in my life have been important to help me do that. We often hear “ If I only knew then what I now…” We can’t change or go back to “then”, but we can choose to live the days ahead well in ways that develop and express love, understanding and awareness for ourselves and contribute.

Jane Ewins

Jane is a counselor and group facilitator. She spent the first 20 years of her working life as a marketing and communications executive. Jane was diagnosed with rectal cancer in 2002 and faced many challenges adjusting to the changes following her diagnosis and treatment. Her experience inspired her to become a counselor, facilitator and advocate.

Jane developed the popular ‘Living Well after Cancer” program for the NSW Cancer Council. She has also developed education programs for several other not-for-profit organizations on issues including parenting after separation, conflict resolution, self esteem, and stress management. Jane has worked as a family relationship counselor. She currently counsels and supports carers in the Shoalhaven, NSW in addition to her own private counseling practice. She is also writing a book about the challenges and opportunities of life after cancer.

Jane Facilitates the Quest for Life program and other programs that support the Quest for Life community.

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Meaning and Purpose or Enjoying Life

Jane Ewins

I met an amazing man the other day and it got me thinking about what is it that gives us meaning and purpose in our lives, and how important it is.

Five years ago this man had several radical surgeries to cut out cancers from his face, mouth and neck. He is now unable to eat or drink through his mouth. He has no voice box any more. He has not tasted food or liquids for over 5 years. Life as he had experienced it for over half a century has changed in so many ways.

He now uses a portable typing machine that translates his one-fingered typing into his new American-accented voice. He has considerable facial disfiguration, breaths through a hole in his neck and eats and drinks through a tube in his stomach.

We had a wonderful conversation about how he still enjoys life. He had a sparkle in his eyes I have seldom seen in anyone. He said his eyes have become a major way of expression and punctuate his typing. He told me that before he had cancer his eyes showed no emotion, but now he agreed, they were in deed the window to (and from) his soul.

I asked whether he would let me interview him about his experiences and philosophy of living after cancer treatment for a book I am writing. He excitedly agreed and said he would also send me some of his writings. The writings are private, but I was brought to tears and humbled by the generosity of spirit of this man whose current major disappointment is due to his geographical isolation he is limited in the amount of connection and inspiration he can offer other people experiencing a journey similar to his own.

He finds pleasure and meaning in being with family and friends, fishing and his animals. He appreciates getting up in the morning!

I also had cancer about 7 years ago now and have had, and still have to some extent, my own emotional, physical and spiritual ups and downs.

“Listening” to this man reminded me what gives my life meaning and purpose: simply enjoying “being” here on earth, experiencing a sense of connection with others – not just friends and family, but people like this man, who cross my path for a time, enjoying nature in all its moods, and supporting others in any way I can to experience peaceful and meaningful lives.

When I was diagnosed with cancer I read Petrea’s book “Quest for Life”. I was struggling at that time with thinking that if only I could only figure out what I had done “wrong” I could stop cancer from coming back. She wrote that for her it’s not about living the longest life, but living each day well.

That was a huge “ah ha” moment for me and became the turning point of my healing. Whether I survived cancer or not was no longer the major issue. (Of course I was happy to stay alive!)

Living each day well in ways that are important and significant to me creates meaning and joy. This courageous man reminded me of that as he endeavours to do the same.

Just goes to show that we don’t have to be perfect, we can have bits of us missing, cut out, burned up, not working properly and still enjoy life!

Jane Ewins

Jane is a counselor and group facilitator. She spent the first 20 years of her working life as a marketing and communications executive. Jane was diagnosed with rectal cancer in 2002 and faced many challenges adjusting to the changes following her diagnosis and treatment. Her experience inspired her to become a counselor, facilitator and advocate.

Jane developed the popular ‘Living Well after Cancer” program for the NSW Cancer Council. She has also developed education programs for several other not-for-profit organizations on issues including parenting after separation, conflict resolution, self esteem, and stress management. Jane has worked as a family relationship counselor. She currently counsels and supports carers in the Shoalhaven, NSW in addition to her own private counseling practice. She is also writing a book about the challenges and opportunities of life after cancer.

Jane Facilitates the Quest for Life program and other programs that support the Quest for Life community.

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