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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

I love you = I allow you.

I love you = I allow you.

I recently came across this piece of wonderful, caring and compassionate writing and found it inspiring and a beautiful reminder to be kinder to ourselves and show ourselves a little more appreciation and loving kindness…   I hope you like it.

StJohn.

There is a deep need in all of us to be seen, to be confirmed, and to be validated by another. When our subjective experience is empathically held, contained, and fully allowed, we come to a natural place of rest. What is love, really, other than fully allowing the other to be who they are, and to presence and embrace their unique subjectivity? I love you = I allow you. The late Donald Winnicott, a brilliant psychoanalyst from Britain, used the term “holding environment” to express this notion. Through making actual contact with another– through receiving, affirming, and metabolizing their experience; and through offering an attuned space in which their experience can unfold– we become vehicles of love in action.

While not talked about as much, we can also hold ourselves in such an environment, where we allow ourselves to be what we are, where we offer ourselves full permission for our experience to reveal itself according to a unique blueprint which was crafted in the stars. In so doing, we allow any and all self-experience to be lovingly metabolized, and then used as grace-energy for love, kindness, and compassion. On some intuitive level, we all know that the degree to which we allow and love ourselves is the degree to which we can allow and love others, even those aspects of self and other which we find disturbing, unspiritual, and otherwise less-than-ideal.

For so many I speak with, there is an undercurrent of subtle aggression, self-hatred, unexamined shame, lack of acceptance, longed-for forgiveness, and absence of self-kindness toward self-experience. Let us all take a pause, and from a place of love visualize a holding environment for ourselves, where we grant ourselves permission to make intimate and direct contact with our vulnerabilities, with our unguarded and unprotected hearts, with our unprocessed challenges from the past, and with our less-than-awakened thoughts/ feelings/ and behaviors. We can take just one moment and appreciate the complexity and counter-instinctual nature of the waking up process and allow a deeply profound love and kindness to fill us, cell by cell. Let us be willing to no longer abandon ourselves, exiting into our stories and unkind judgments, and inquire with love into the habitual belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with us. Then, in an instant, we behold the flow of grace which pours through the eyes of everyone we meet, including that unknown precious one that we see when we look in the mirror. And then all that could possibly remain is an unshakeable faith in love’s perfection.

This blog has been republished from Matt Licata’s blog at http://alovinghealingspace.blogspot.com.au

StJohn & Alexua Miall will be c0-facilitating the up-coming ‘Take a Stand for Life’ program at Quest in Bundanoon starting on March 4th.    For more details about the program, click here.

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It's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

It’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

This recently came into our inbox:

If you will take the time to read these. I promise you’ll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis. They’re written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words.

I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned…. That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve learned…. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned….. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned….. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Do you have any lessons learned to add?

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Dear Doctor

Dear Doctor

I have been reading ‘Love, Medicine and Miracles’ by Bernie Siegel, a surgeon who advocates treating patients with equality and respect for their intuition, wisdom and choices.  He absolutely advocates conventional treatment options but he is also holistic in his approach and inclusive of the patient’s beliefs, dreams and feelings.  In this excellent book, he gives an example of what someone might write to their physician and I thought you might like to read it.

‘Dear Doctor

Please don’t conceal the diagnosis. We both know I came to you to learn if I have cancer or some other serious disease. If I know what I have, I know what I am fighting, and there is less fear. If you hide the name and the facts, you deprive me of the chance to help myself. When you are questioning whether I should be told, I already know. You may feel better if you don’t tell me, but your deception hurts me.

Do not tell me how long I have to live! I alone can decide how long I will live. It is my desires, my goals, my values, my strengths and my will to live that will make that decision.

Teach me and my family how and why my illness happened to me. Help me and my family to live now. Tell me about nutrition and my body’s needs. Tell me how to handle the knowledge and how my mind and body can work together.  Healing comes from within, but I want to combine my strength with yours. If you and I are a team, I will live a longer and better life.

Doctor, don’t let your negative beliefs; your fears and your prejudices affect my health. Don’t stand in the way of my getting well and exceeding your expectations. Give me the chance to be the exception to your statistics.

Teach me about your beliefs and therapies and help me to incorporate them into mine. However, remember that my beliefs are the most important. What I don’t believe in won’t help me.

You must learn what my disease means to me – death, pain or fear of the unknown. If my belief system accepts alternative therapy and not recognised therapy, do not desert me, please try to convert my beliefs and be patient and await my conversion. It may come at a time when I am desperately ill and in great need of your therapy.

Doctor, teach me and my family to live with my problem when I am not with you. Take time for our questions and give us your attention when we need it. It is important that I feel free to talk with you and question you. I will live a longer and more meaningful life if you and I can develop a significant relationship. I need you in my life to achieve my new goals.’

Bernie also suggests that it’s highly beneficial if you feel cared for and supported in your choices by your doctor.  We are not all lucky enough to find a doctor with whom we feel this way but there are some wonderful physicians out there and feeling cared for could be worth considering when you are next shopping for a doctor.

Love to you for now.
Margie

Margie Braunstein

Margie Braunstein

Margie Braunstein

Margie is a somatic psychotherapist and counsellor providing psychotherapy services to the people of the Central Coast and Sydney.  Margie lives on the beautiful Central Coast with her husband, two children, two dogs and a cat.

Over the last 12 years, Margie has also been engaged in the design, delivery and marketing of transformational learning programs. During this time she has regularly facilitated personal development programs for up to 50 people on weekend workshops, week-long intensives and advanced programs of 3-4 months.

Margie has a Graduate Certificate in Adult Education from UTS, Diploma in Psychotherapy from the Australian College of Contemporary Somatic Psychotherapy and qualifications in somatic therapy, executive coaching and relationship counselling.

Margie has a passion for personal development and regards people with respect, empathy and compassion in the belief that while we all do the best we can, a little bit more kindness and care can lead to even greater peace and joy in life.

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The Wolf of Love

The Wolf of Love

We often share a version of this on programs and when we came across this on the Just One Thing, daily practice blog, we wanted to share it with you.

Feed the Wolf of Love

Why?
I once heard a Native American teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved and respected. She replied: “It’s because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day.”

This story always gives me the shivers when I think of it. Who among us does not have both a wolf of love and a wolf of hate in their heart?

I know I do, including the wolf of hate, which shows up in small ways as well as large ones, such when I get judgmental, irritable, pushy, or argumentative. Even if it’s only inside my own mind – and sometimes it definitely leaks out.

We’ve got these two wolves because we evolved them, because both wolves were needed to keep our ancestors alive.

Until just 10,000 years ago, for millions of years primates, hominids, and early humans lived in hunter-gatherer groups that bred mainly within the band while competing intensely with other bands for scarce resources. Therefore, genes got passed on that promoted better cooperation inside a band and better aggression between bands. The wolf of love and the wolf of hate are stitched into human DNA.

Bands kept their distance from each other, and when they met, they often fought. For example, researchers have found that about 12-15% of hunter-gatherer men died in conflicts between bands – compared to “just” the 1% of men who died in the many bloody wars of the 20th century.

So it’s natural to fear the stranger – who, back in the Stone Age with no police around, was often a lethal threat. The related impulse to dehumanize and attack “them” also worked well (in terms of passing on genes) for millions of years.

Today, you can observe the wolf of hate all around us, in acts of thought, word, and deed. For example, as soon as we see others as “not my tribe,” whether it’s at home or work or on the evening news, the wolf of hate lifts its head and looks around for danger. And then if we feel at all threatened or mistreated or desperate, the wolf of hate jumps up and looks for someone to howl at or bite.

While the wolf of hate was vital back in the Serengeti, today it breeds alienation and anger, ulcers and heart disease, and conflicts with others at home and work.

And at a larger scale, with 7 billion people crowded together on this planet – when a flu mutation in Hong Kong can become a worldwide epidemic, when bank problems in Greece roil the global economy, when carbon emissions in one country heat up the whole world – when we fear or dehumanize or attack “them,” it usually comes back to harm “us.”

How?
So what are we going to do?

We can’t kill the wolf of hate because hating the wolf of hate just feeds it. Instead, we need to control this wolf, and channel its fire into healthy forms of protection and assertiveness. And we need to stop feeding it with fear and anger.

Meanwhile, we need to feed the wolf of love. This will make us stronger inside, more patient, and less resentful, annoyed, or aggressive. We’ll stay out of needless conflicts, treat people better, and be less of a threat to others. Then we’ll also be in a stronger position to get treated better by them.

There are lots of ways to feed the wolf of love.

We can feed it by taking in the good of everyday experiences of feeling seen, appreciated, cared about, even cherished and loved.

We can feed the wolf of love by practicing compassion for ourselves and others, and by letting these experiences of compassion sink into our heart.

We can feed the wolf of love by recognizing the good in other people – and then by taking in the experience of the goodness in others.

Similarly, we can feed the wolf of love by sensing the goodness inside our own heart, and by letting that sense of truly being a good person – not a perfect person, but a good person – also sink in.

Last, we can feed the wolf of love by seeing the good in the world, and the good in the future that we can make together – in the face of so many messages these days that are dark and despairing.

We feed the wolf of love, in other words, with heart and with hope. We feed this wolf by sustaining our sense of what’s good in other people, what’s good in ourselves, what’s already good in our world, and what could be even better in a world we can build together.

We need to stay strong to do this, to hold on to what we know to be true in spite of the brain’s tendency to focus on threats and losses, and in spite of the age-old manipulations of various groups that play on fear and anger – that feed the wolf of hate – to gain or hold onto wealth and power.

So let’s stay strong, and hold on to the good that exists all around us and inside us.

Let’s stay strong, and hold onto the good that can be, that we can nourish and build in this world.

Let’s stay strong, and hold onto each other.

Let’s stay strong enough to take in the good that feeds the wolf of love each day.

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Angel 9/11

Love for love’s sake

Some of us have learned to fear
Fear those from other cultures
Other religions
We called for war
To stop the weapons of mass destruction
Kill for revenge
Hate
Blame, Shame & Hurt

Some of us have learned to love
Love those from other cultures
Other religions
We voted for peace
To stop all weapons
We value life
And Love
Forgiveness, Love for love’s sake

We can send love to all of those lost in the delusion of hate and beckon them to the call for unity
Join me in this valiant mission for inner and outer peace…

Lots of love

Margie Braunstein

Margie Braunstein

Margie Braunstein

Margie is a somatic psychotherapist and counsellor providing psychotherapy services to the people of the Central Coast and Sydney.  Margie lives on the beautiful Central Coast with her husband, two children, two dogs and a cat.

Over the last 12 years, Margie has also been engaged in the design, delivery and marketing of transformational learning programs. During this time she has regularly facilitated personal development programs for up to 50 people on weekend workshops, week-long intensives and advanced programs of 3-4 months.

Margie has a Graduate Certificate in Adult Education from UTS, Diploma in Psychotherapy from the Australian College of Contemporary Somatic Psychotherapy and qualifications in somatic therapy, executive coaching and relationship counselling.

Margie has a passion for personal development and regards people with respect, empathy and compassion in the belief that while we all do the best we can, a little bit more kindness and care can lead to even greater peace and joy in life.

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For I am Love, And that’s all that is real

True transformation takes place with changes to what we think and feel.

True and lasting transformation is what we are privileged to witness and share on a Quest program.  Here is a beautiful testimony and poem from Meg Bryar, a participant on a recent Healing your Life program.

I am Love
By Meg Bryar
May, 2011

I am Love, Put onto this earth
With a physical body, that can feel and hurt;

With an active mind, that can think and create
Beliefs and assumptions, that can alter my fate.

I am Love, That is who I am
And I sooo want to feel, Myself again;

Because when the love that I am, Can shine right through
That’s all that I am, that’s all that’s true.

I am Love, Not limb, nor liver
Nor the body, that fear makes quiver.

I am not what I think, nor what I feel.
I am not what they say I am, none of that’s real.

Take my leg, remove my sight;
I still am what I am –  A love so bright.

Strip me bare, take me limb by limb;
You’ll find only love, contained within.

I am not my body. I am not my mind.
I am not what I’m feeling, Nor the trouble I find.

I am only pure love; Nothing more, nothing less
But I have a body, So you have something to caress.

I have a mind, So we can talk and share.
I have eyes, To see you there.

I have ears, So I can hear you sing.
I have a heart , To feel everything.

I have legs, So with you I can walk.
I have a mouth, So we can talk.

You used your bodily gift, To so carelessly abuse mine;
You abused my bodily gift, And distorted my mind.

The wounds you left caused a drift, Between love and what my body feels
But I’ll reconnect, And love will heal.

No matter your insults, No matter your blows,
No matter if your body, Breaks my nose.

You may take my dignity, You may take my rights;
But I am Love. I am my own light.

You can’t take love. You can’t take who I AM;
I can lose it somewhere, But I’ll find it again.

And Love will caress, And Love will heal;
For I am Love, And that’s all that is real.

With love, Meg

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A beautiful soul

This is one of the kindest things you may ever see! It is not known who replied, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service.

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love : Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, ‘To Meredith’ in an unfamiliar hand.

Meredith opened it.

Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, ‘When a Pet Dies’. Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. Abbey isn’t sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don’t need our bodies in heaven, I don’t have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by… Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I’m easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love God

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