Janice’s story

Janice, Peter, Daniel and Kate Marshall

Janice kindly shared her courageous story as part of the Quest for Life Foundation Mothers Day Appeal. You can read the full letter here. Thank you Janice for sharing part of your journey with us.

I am the mother, and until recently, the main carer, for Daniel, my gorgeous 24 year old son who is autistic. Then 6 years ago, my husband (of 32 years) Pete, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. After the nearly 24 years of grief (for the son we had expected and never had) and the stress that  came from living with him and his bizarre throwing and destructive behaviours, the blow of Pete’s diagnosis hit us for six. We’ve always felt that the prolonged stress of Daniel contributed to Pete’s disease. It may well have also contributed to our daughter, Kate (23), suffering from anxiety over the years, including being seriously ill with anorexia at age 11.

I am however a ‘fixer’, and have spent many of the last years trying to ‘fix’ Daniel, Pete and Kate. The cumulative stress and anger over these years has taken a toll and I have burned out and felt totally useless. Although I am on the surface fit and well, the added grief of watching my wonderful, strong, fit and capable husband slowly decline has been almost more than I can bear.

But together, and despite the restrictions of conventional western medicine, we have never given up hope that Pete can be well again. He continues to ride his mountain bike and we have adjusted our already healthy diet and exercise program. Then we came to Quest for Life, which provided us with the missing link, a program which taught us how to harness the power of the mind and how to live a ‘weller’ life right now. It taught me to live in the ‘now’, which I found so difficult before, and to slow my overwrought nervous system to find peace. One of the toughest lessons for me was learning that I also deserve to look after me and ‘fluff me up’ and that ironically is what best helps Pete, Daniel and Kate! I am learning that I can’t control everything and that is OK and yet ironically, the more both    Peter and I meditate and slow down, the more in control we feel. We hope to incorporate what we have learned into Daniel’s confused world as well to help bring him to his own peace. For both of us, the program has been life-changing and we look forward to our future lives now with hope.

Janice Marshall

Read Full Post »

Lift

Check in and get ‘propped’ up!

The first quarter of the year has been and gone, and if you’re anything like me, all those good intentions that you may have had at the beginning of the year have somehow sadly got washed away in the floods or burnt up in the bushfires.

However, this year it’s been different for me.   I found a great new app that is helping me keep on track, and I’d like to share it with you.

It is called ‘Lift’ and it’s a free app available for iPhones and IPads. An android version is due out soon.

Lift is a simple way to achieve any goal, track your progress, and get the support of your friends.

First you select a good habit that you want to establish.   You can write your own, or you can choose from hundreds of suggestions in the app itself.

And then off you go – it’s as simple as that.

Each day you ‘check-in’ on how you are going and the Lift keeps track of your check-ins with neat little graphs if that sort of thing appeals.   Even if you don’t do your new activity that day, it’s still important to check-in as you get recognition for the number of days you check-in in a row.    Checking-in means that what you are working on is kept front of mind.   You can also get Lift to message you at a time of day that you choose to remind you about your new behaviour.

When Checking-in you just tick the box, and if you want you can add comments on how it is for you that day around this new behaviour.   These comments can be shared with friends and a coach, and also with the wider ‘Lift’ community as a whole.

To begin with I thought who’s really going to be that interested in me keeping my coffee consumption down to one cup a day?    But it’s surprised me how many people ‘propped’ me (supported me), especially as my continuous check-ins rose up, and also how many people started offering words of encouragement and acknowledgement of milestones achieved.

These unexpected waves of support lifted my resolve and made it much easier to keep to the regime I had set myself and to check-in each day.   And no one poo-poohs you if you bravely admit to having more than one cup yesterday – everyone’s struggling to master their own particular goals and know how difficult it is to get it right all the time…   So instead of calling you a loser, they provide words of caring compassion and encouragement.

As a result, I now spend a minute or so each day going through other people’s postings, offering support and sending encouraging messages to those struggling to do better.

I’ve now got 5 things I’m working on and you can add new ones or change them whenever you want.    It’s great – nearly as good as having your own personal coach, and so much cheaper!     Definitely worth checking it out if there is something you want to really get on top of.

So how tidy is your desk?    When did you last exercise regularly?  Time to get on top of your emails? Or get working on that that project that you started last year and which is now stalled?

Good luck.

StJohn

StJohn Miall

StJohn Miall

StJohn Miall is the co-founder of Keep Evolving, an organisation the facilitates Leadership and Personal Development Programs that has it’s focus on the development of Wisdom, authentic Power and Compassion.  His focus is on the design and delivery of programs to both the corporate sector and the general public with particular focus on deeper, developmental work, supporting the ongoing building of emotional intelligence, spiritual intelligence, coaching, leadership and personal development.

StJohn is an expert guide in the gentle practice of Meditation and its use by those wishing to explore their own inner landscape.

With over 25 years of training experience, StJohn has a wealth of experience to call on both in the design and delivery of transformational programs. He is known for his easy style and ability to make the complex simple and easy to grasp.

Along with his wife Alexia, he facilitates ’Meditate for Life’ and eight week program run in Sydney to learn all about meditation and how to establish a regular meditation practice.   StJohn and Alexia also Facilitate the ‘Take a Stand for Life’residential program held at Bundanoon which is specifically for people looking to further develop their skills for a meaningful and fulfilling life.  

Read Full Post »

The truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth…

The whole truth

Human beings are a funny lot aren’t we? I am often asked by my children, my clients and participants on programs the question “what shall I say”?

People (and I include myself) often feel really frightened of asking for what they want, changing their mind, saying no or disappointing someone. I have learned over the years that the truth is usually best. But what does that mean? You’d think it would be easy to tell the ‘truth’ and it can be, but it might involve digging a little deeper and feeling more vulnerable. That is not always so easy.

What intrigues me about people is that we sometimes avoid the truth and will only give it when all else fails to get us what we want. Yet the truth is nearly always more acceptable than the white lies we tell to cover our tracks. The tricky part can be working out what your truth is. We are so used to protecting ourselves that real truth can be outside our awareness.

Let me give you an example.

My daughter had agreed to go somewhere with her girlfriend but changed her mind. She said to me “What shall I say”? She was mulling over excuses – headache, too busy, not well, can’t use the car etc. – all white lies, to get out of going.

I asked her why she had changed her mind. She told me that she felt pressured by assignments and did not want to use her time wandering around the shopping centre with an assignment due on the following Monday. She did not want to let her friend down and felt afraid that her friend would feel angry so she was looking for an excuse that her friend would accept more easily.

So we talked about the ‘whole truth’.  The whole truth was that she felt terrible about pulling out at the last minute because she really values her friend and she made a mistake by agreeing to go when she had so much study to complete. She agreed to go because she loves spending time with her friend and had not even realised how much pressure it put her under until the time was approaching. She felt sad that she had conflicting commitments and wanted her friend to forgive her and make another time where they could feel free to have fun together.

You see, the whole truth was that she loves and values her friend but forgot her other commitments when impulsively agreeing to go. Once she got clear on this, she included all of the above and it was easier to say what she needed and ask for understanding. I think it when something along these lines…

“I stuffed up and now I am under pressure. I want to hang out with you when I have no pressure so we can have fun. Could we make it another time? I am so sorry I said yes but I didn’t realise how much study I needed to complete before Monday. Is that OK with you?”… Of course her friend was disappointed, but at least my daughter did not have to add lies to lies.

If she had said she had a headache, her friend may have turned up with flowers to spend a couple of hours with her. Would this have helped? No. It would probably have prompted more lies.

So I invite you to consider the whole truth. Our motives are not usually malicious or mean. We make mistakes. We do care about others and the truth is we stuff up, agree to things, change our minds, need something different and we do not like offending or disappointing others. I recommend you include all of that!

So next time you go to tell a white lie, take a moment to consider the deeper, fuller truth behind the issue and include the whole truth. It may make life simpler. Let me know how you go.

Love for now. Margie

Margie Braunstein

Margie Braunstein

Margie is a somatic psychotherapist and counsellor providing psychotherapy services to the people of the Central Coast and Sydney.  Margie lives on the beautiful Central Coast with her husband, two children, two dogs and a cat.

Over the last 12 years, Margie has also been engaged in the design, delivery and marketing of transformational learning programs. During this time she has regularly facilitated personal development programs for up to 50 people on weekend workshops, week-long intensives and advanced programs of 3-4 months.

Margie has a Graduate Certificate in Adult Education from UTS, Diploma in Psychotherapy from the Australian College of Contemporary Somatic Psychotherapy and qualifications in somatic therapy, executive coaching and relationship counselling.

Margie has a passion for personal development and regards people with respect, empathy and compassion in the belief that while we all do the best we can, a little bit more kindness and care can lead to even greater peace and joy in life.

Read Full Post »

Rules for Kindness

Rules for Kindness

I found these simple words inspiring, and they resonated very strongly with me.  Wanted to share them with you, so that you may have an opportunity to discover if they hold meaning for you.

Rules for Kindness

“I was leading a meditation group in the DC area, and we had rented an elementary school auditorium for the day.  All along the walls of the corridors were posted rules of being kind.  During the breaks in the day, I would just stand and read them, again and again.  They seemed so simple, yet like many simple truths, if we were to live them rather than merely admire them, they could change our life, whatever our age.  The rules posted there rest on principles like dissolving the rigid boundaries we hold between ourselves and others, including rather than excluding, recognizing that our actions (and words) are consequential, and being thoughtful.

Carderock Elementary School rules for being kind:

-       Treat people the way you would like to be treated.

-       Play fair.

-       Respect everyone – other students and all staff.

-       Everyone can play.

-       Help others when they need help.

-       Don’t hurt others on the inside or the outside.

-       Honor all of the pillars of ethics.

I decided that every week I would take one of these rules to hold as a touchstone – a guideline – to remember, to make choices by, to experiment with deepening, to enjoy.  One of the most provocative and poignant for me was “Everyone can play.”  When I first read it I imagined a child who was left out, who was staring at the in-crowd, feeling unwanted or unseen – then being beckoned forth, invited to join in, affirmed.

As I practiced this tenet, I noticed more hints of loneliness in those I encountered than I had seen before, more subtle echoes of that forlorn child than I expected.  Including others was often like watching something unfurl and begin to flower within them.  In making a point of including others in conversation, in regard, in a fullness of attention, I felt some subtle walls within me dissolve as well.  There was a growing sense of rightness, of balance, because after all everyone should get to play.

Experiment with these rules; try one a week, or one a month, to emphasize.  Even if you do live your life according to these tenets, consciously choosing to emphasize them can be enlivening, opening, and at times surprising.”

The Kindness Handbook: a practical companion

by Sharon Salzberg

Alexia Miall

Alexia Miall

Alexia’s career began in banking and then moved via advertising to a major career change in 1980 to Adult and Transformational Education.  She has been privileged to share this incredible journey with 1000’s of like minded souls through her extensive experience as a facilitator, trainer, life coach, therapist, and mentor.  She managed her own training company in Victoria during the 1990’s, and during this time was the Course Leader for a training program from which the Banksia Environmental Foundation formed.

Alexia has acquired further education in Adult Education in Training; Somatic Psychotherapy; Life Coaching; Conflict Resolution; plus Accreditation in many behavioural and culture change models. She is an Associate of EcoSTEPS, a niche Sustainability consultancy, which supports her love of the natural environment.

Read Full Post »

Tips for Surviving the Holidays

This time of year is generally a time of renewal and loving connection

Regardless of our cultural background and beliefs, this time of year is generally a time of renewal and loving connection and celebration with loved ones. Despite this, there are all sorts of reasons why this period can be a tricky time for many of us. We may not have partners, families or loved ones to spend time with over the holiday period or on Xmas day, and many of our usual activities are suspended. This can sometimes give rise to the surfacing of deep feelings of sadness, loneliness and disconnection. Some of us come from families that don’t always fit the picture perfact post card image, and conflicts and grievances can also be heightened at this time. Others of us may be grieving the loss of beloved ones or experiencing illness or ongoing ill-health or financial difficulty.

Whatever your circumstances, here are some suggestions to support yourself through the holiday period:

• Make a plan. Consciously decide what you will do on Xmas day and over the holidays. Do what feels right for you, not just what’s right for everyone else. If uncertain, talk it over with someone objective. Preferably, don’t just leave if to chance. We all have more choice than we might imagine.
• If you don’t belong to the perfect family, if other people aren’t behaving lovingly towards you, or if you are on your own, you can behave lovingly towards yourself! You can, on the inside, be your own much loved family or friend during this period. Do nice things for yourself, be kind to yourself.
• Make an effort to connect with people you care about and let them know that you care. We can all create loving families of choice, alongside our actual families of origin.
• Reach out and offer support to someone who may be having a difficult time over the holidays.
• If you find yourself in the presence of people whom you find difficult, attempt to stay conscious and connected to yourself, breathe, and decide not to take other people’s difficult emotions on board. I find it helpful to remind myself that we are all imperfect vessels of perfect love…(!)
• Attend to your own difficult emotions (talk to a friend, get out in nature, write in a journal, talk to a therapist, meditate…!!)

Whatever you do over the holidays, I wish you a peaceful, loving and fun holiday period. My love and warm wishes to you.

Lesley

Read Full Post »

Remembering Dame Elisabeth Murdoch

The greatest of friends. Petrea King and Dame Elisabeth Murdoch

Dame Elisabeth Murdoch was a long time friend and supporter of the Quest for Life Foundation.

Always interested in the details of our work, the Dame generously assisted in the completion of the refurbishment of the Quest for Life Centre and was a regular donor both before and since its establishment.

Dame Elisabeth often welcomed Petrea into her home at Cruden Farm and they maintained regular correspondence over a span of more than twenty years.

The depth of Dame Elisabeth’s interest in the charities that she supported was unparalleled. She is greatly loved by all who have been touched by her presence. The example of her life will continue to inspire us to live with such humility, grace and goodness.

Rest in peace Dame Elisabeth.

“Dame Elisabeth has been a guiding light of generosity, humility and graciousness in my life. Her presence will continue to nourish and inspire me in my life and work. She set the bar for living a meaningful life at the highest level and I feel most privileged to have known and loved her.” Petrea King

Petrea King and Dame Elisabeth Murdoch at Cruden Farm

Petrea King and Dame Elisabeth Murdoch at Cruden Farm

Read Full Post »

Looking for the silver lining in a night of Chaos

Searching for the silver lining

My headlight blew a bulb. On the way to the service station tonight to fix it I had a flat tyre, so I had to change my plans which meant I was staying in. I will have to get these resolved tomorrow.

So I concentrated on my next chore……I have a mobile phone, most of my friends and family will disagree, as it is always lost in the bottom of my bag, never answered, seldom recharged or no credit.

Today I decided to find my mobile, charge it and buy credit.

I logged on to the website. It kept telling me my password was wrong.  I tore the house apart looking for where I had written it.  Then I start with the online help for people who cannot remember a password.  After a very long time of answering security questions and still not getting them right I thankfully found a way to further navigate myself to contact a real human being.

Never the less, his system was slow, something about upgrades, he tried to sort me out but because my account was dormant for so long it was cancelled.  Oh well, I will also need to get a new sim tomorrow – it is a good thing I never wasted time remembering my old mobile phone number.

From this tale of stressful events, I stayed calm, surprisingly so.  At the end of the events – I asked myself; how did you stay so calm? I then thought all of this has to have a silver lining.  I then recalled the series of events and tried to make meaning of them.

It was a freezing cold night, and I really did not want to travel. Perhaps if I paid attention to having to fill the tyre more frequently it would have been apparent there was a nail in it sooner.

If I paid attention to my phone, kept it recharged, knew where it was and bothered to buy credit, the story would have never happened. When I went to the post office to recharge the credit I stared intently at the sim cards.  I told myself you do not need one, yet I was fixated at the time on them. Perhaps I need to listen more.

When I was trying to recharge my credit online and finding my password I had written down I kept looking everywhere but always looking back to shelf on my desk – where I ended up finding my password details. I could have listened to my intuition a lot earlier and not upturned the house.

My silver lining was how I felt – coming through all of it and not sweating the challenges. I felt kind of peaceful and empowered in some way because I was not reacting.  I realise I do not have the grace of the Dalai Lama but maybe I am growing and my intuition is always there trying to guide me.

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves – Dalai Lama.

Suzanne Bastin

Suzanne is the program co-ordinator at Quest for Life. If you are interested in attending a program, Suzanne is only too happy to answer your questions or help you register on 1300 941 488

Read Full Post »

Eyes of Love or Eyes of Fear

For a few seconds the burro is free and even seems to laugh

I believe that you can live your life through the eyes of love or the eyes of fear. We in the western world are very good at living our lives through fear. Our politicians and financial markets are masters of engendering a sense of threat and of not having enough stuff. Just for a moment try to be grateful for what we have, and see the world through love and connection to others, not a feeling of threat. It feels so different, it feels better.

I just love this poem written by Meister Eckhart, one of history’s great mystics who lived in the 13^th century.

LOVE DOES THAT

All day long a little burro labors, sometimes

with heavy loads on her back and sometimes just with worries

about things that bother only

burros

and worries as we know, can be more exhausting

than physical labor

Once in a while a kind monk comes

to her stable and brings

a pear, but more

than that,

He looks into the burro’s eyes and touches her ears

and for a few seconds the burro is free

and even seems to laugh,

because love does

that.

Love frees

Do you feel better?

Dr Louella Crawford

Read Full Post »

The best classroom in the world

It’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

This recently came into our inbox:

If you will take the time to read these. I promise you’ll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis. They’re written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words.

I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned…. That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I’ve learned…. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned….. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned….. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Do you have any lessons learned to add?

Read Full Post »

Some of My Favourite Quotes

What inspirational quotes inspire you?

I came across some of the following quotes that have been in one of those folders that I keep. Would you like to post some of yours? My theme seems to be around peace and war. You don’t need a theme or a lot, just any you come across and want to share with us.

I don’t know who wrote this one:

I Choose…
To live by choice, not by chance;
To make changes, not excuses;
To be motivated, not manipulated;
To be useful, not used;
To excel, not compete.
I choose self-esteem, not self-pity;
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
Not the random opinion of others.

The rest of these are acknowledged.

War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
Bertrand Russel

Let it be time for us to dream of a world without war.
Sri Chinmoy

He who walks with peace walks with Him.
The Holy Koran

Our future on this planet, exposed as it is to nuclear annihilation, depends on one single factor: humanity must make a moral about – face.
Pope John Paul 11

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein 

Peace between countries must rest on the solid foundation of love between individuals.
Mahatma Gandhi

If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed for.
Chinese Proverb

It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.
Irish Proverb

Humanity can no longer be tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war.
Martin Luther King

I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask: “Mother, what was war?”
Eve Merriam

World peace is us… We are each walking agents of the vision of peace we carry inside Us.
Kathleen Vande Kieft

And I’ll finish with a couple of my faves:

Be the change You want to see.
Mahatma Ghandi

If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.
Anita Roddick

We are looking forward to hearing some of yours soon.

Wendie Batho

Wendie Batho

Wendie has co-facilitated residential programs with Petrea for more than sixteen years. Prior to that Wendie spent over 25 years as a teacher, school principal and was involved in educational leadership and facilitation of school executive groups.

Ten years of this time was spent in PNG where she taught and worked for the government. Wendie has been travelling since the early sixties and is especially attracted to Asian cultures. She holds degrees in Anthropology, Education, Sociology, Theology and Political Science. Her current passions are her grandchildren, travel biographies, exploring Asia, 4×4 driving, reading everything she can get her hands on, and watching movies on the big screen at home.

Read Full Post »