“One thing at a time”

My Dad used to say this to me a lot when I was a kid. It was of his constant refrains “Hang on a minute, let’s just do one thing at time”.  In my enthusiasm for whatever it was at the time, I’d want to rush in and do it all at once.  (I’d also often be told “simmer down” but that’s another story)

I still find it challenging to do one thing at a time.  Over the years I’ve made it a meditation practice to just eat, just listen, just sit.

I‘d practice just sitting at a cafe. Without a book, a paper or a phone. Without even sunglasses to separate me from what was directly happening.  After a while it got easier but I do recall the initial agitation.  I dare myself still to try it.

I’ve been doing the ‘washing the dishes’ meditation for years.  Just coming back to just the whole present sensory experience.  Not using the time to think, plan, ruminate, but remind myself, again and again, to pay attention to ‘just this, just the dishes/water/bubbles’.  The aim -being totally present to whatever it is I am doing.

How often do you talk to a friend on the phone and hear the click of the keyboard as they check their emails while talking to you?  It doesn’t feel good, yet I confess I have been guilty of doing just that.

We’ve trained ourselves to think that unless we are doing more than one thing at a time, that we’re wasting time.  So we read the paper on the toilet, watch TV and eat dinner, go for walk and ring a friend, and more dangerously -  drive and text!  (See Oprah’s No Phone Zone campaign).

We live in a culture that’s addicted to busyness.  We’re obsessed with multi-tasking and yet it is so counterproductive.  It makes it difficult to focus on one thing at a time and research is shows that it makes us slower to solve problems.  Even worse, it makes us depressed (because we can’t focus, it’s even harder to focus on the positive).

Writer A. Jacobs calls it our ‘hopscotching brain’.  He says that multitasking makes us less able to connect with people and that while it makes us feel efficient, it actually slows down our thinking.

He says ‘while we may feel we are multitasking we are in fact ‘switch-tasking’ toggling between one task and another. Phone, email, phone, back to email. And each time you switch, there are a few milliseconds of start-up cost. The neurons need time to rev up”

So the best way to improve our focus is to meditate.  Thousands of years of independent research all agree on this.  Perhaps as a start though, we could just try ‘one thing at time’.  I challenge you (and myself) to just be on the phone.  When it rings, greet your friend, sit back, close your eyes and listen… Just be there at the end of the phone. Try it. Your friend will love it and you might just feel a bit calmer.

Like the writer says, let’s embrace the ‘noble path of uni-tasking’

Bernadette Arena

Bernadette is a yoga and meditation teacher and group facilitator and has been teaching since the early 1990s.  She has worked with people of all ages, from diverse backgrounds and cultures and has developed skills of serving people dealing with significant life issues.  She taught community classes for children, teens, people with disabilities, the elderly, sports professionals, and also in corporate environments.

Bernadette has worked with the Quest for Life Foundation since early 2006 and is the Senior Facilitator on our residential programs.  Her work is treasured by our participants and our team. She has also been developing and refining a deep understanding of the use of appropriate yoga and meditation approaches for use in oncology and with serious illness.

Bernadette maintains close association with International Yoga Teachers Association and is a senior lecturer for their Teacher Training Course.  She has designed and delivered yoga teacher training courses for other organisations.  During 5 years in the UK she taught retreats, workshops and classes across the UK and in Europe and worked as a personal ‘lifestyle’ coach.  Bernadette brings a gentle and loving nature with insight and compassion borne out of her experience. She can assist a deeper connection with the body as a means to rejuvenate the spirit.

 

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Brain Plasticity and Affirmations

The Brain that Changes Itself

I just finished reading the excellent book about the brain by Norman Doidge, ‘The Brain That Changes Itself’
http://www.normandoidge.com

One of the most fascinating accounts he gives is about the treatment of people living with the devastating results of stroke. There is a clinic in the USA that is rehabilitating people, even 7 years after the stroke, who have lost movement in one side of their body.

Here’s what they do… they strap down the ‘good’ arm for an extended period of time (24 hours a day, 7 days a week) so that it cannot be used. This can be for many, many months…

So the person looks to their ‘useless’ arm (which is not functioning but is not physically tied down) and as they begin to think about how they would like to say pick up the cup, the brain begins to make connections and to find new parts of the brain to do the work of the part that has been damaged in the stroke. This is neural plasticity in action.

Eventually, a little finger starts to move and then another and another and over time (and with much persistence) people regain functional use of their arms. How amazing! The brain finds new ways to get that arm moving.

So this got me thinking… I was given an old CD of Louise Hay’s recently and I have been listening to it in the car. It’s all about positive thinking and using affirmations. I put a lot of energy into this kind of thing in the 80’s and 90’s but had decided “this stuff doesn’t really work for me”.

But when I put Norman Doidge’s ideas about neural plasticity together with changing my thinking patterns… hey presto!

Say you want more abundance in your life… If you are currently affirming (thinking) “I’ll never have enough money” then that is what your brain is firing off over and over and over again.

Does this thinking pattern cause you to feel good or bad? Anxious or safe? I’ll wager it is the latter. And the chemicals of ‘bad’ and ‘anxious’ are washing through your system every time you think and feel this. (Plus, the creative right side of the brain closes down when you are stressed because the body behaves as though it is fighting for survival).

So it seems logical to me that if I want to change a thought pattern, IT IS GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME BEFORE THE NEW THOUGHT BEGINS TO TAKE OVER FROM THE OLD ONES! Just like the arm that does not move on the first day that the one normally used is strapped down. Or even the second day. It takes months and months. The brain is doing all that work but it takes quite a lot of time and persistence before results start to appear that can be seen.

This makes sense to me. So I have renewed my commitment to changing my affirmations. I say to myself every day “I am open and receptive to all the good and abundance in the universe… thank you life”. I can feel the chemicals of love and excitement coursing through my veins when I say this. And it’s not magic or new age nonsense. When you feel good, the creative areas of your brain light up (there’s plenty of research about this), and solutions to your problems pop up here there and everywhere.

As a counsellor, I am also aware that this is fairly simplistic view and if you have deeply held negative beliefs about your life, where often the stress reaction is imprinted at an early age or during deep trauma, you may benefit from having a caring counsellor who can offer a helping hand to work through issues. In this way you might begin to ‘move that arm in new ways’ so to speak and form new self-loving thought and feeling habits.

So I offer these thoughts to anyone who has a life situation that they would like to change. Practice loving yourself and loving your body. It certainly can’t make things worse so why not give it a go?

Get that post-it note and put “I LOVE YOU” on the bathroom mirror and say it with feeling repeatedly. Or practice opening up your arms wide and using my abundance affirmation above. Or come up with your own! Just persist so that you give your brain a chance to change itself…

Wishing you all much love and lovely neural plasticity.

Margie Braunstein

Margie is a somatic psychotherapist and counsellor providing psychotherapy services to the people of the Central Coast and Sydney.  Margie lives on the beautiful Central Coast with her husband, two children, two dogs and a cat.

Over the last 12 years, Margie has also been engaged in the design, delivery and marketing of transformational learning programs. During this time she has regularly facilitated personal development programs for up to 50 people on weekend workshops, week-long intensives and advanced programs of 3-4 months.

Margie has a Graduate Certificate in Adult Education from UTS, Diploma in Psychotherapy from the Australian College of Contemporary Somatic Psychotherapy and qualifications in somatic therapy, executive coaching and relationship counselling.

Margie has a passion for personal development and regards people with respect, empathy and compassion in the belief that while we all do the best we can, a little bit more kindness and care can lead to even greater peace and joy in life.

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The Effort Effect

Professor Carol Dweck

Following on from what Kate so beautifully wrote about fixed mindsets, I would like to add my thoughts about Professor Carol Dweck from Stanford University USA.  I’m sure that like me, this material will sound familiar, but reading it in another form can sometimes help it to be understood in a new way. I hope you find it as useful as I did.

Sometimes I think that I was at my most intelligent at around 13 years of age and since then it has been a gradual slide down into loss of memory and brain power. This has led me to giving up on some things I really wanted to learn (like guitar and Sudoku for starters!) and this fixed mindset (belief) has also manifested in my feelings of great anxiety, especially when I take on a new task at which I really want to succeed.

Following are some points to inspire you! Researchers found…

• The determination to master new things and surmount challenges lies in your beliefs about why you failed. People who attribute their failures to lack of ability can become discouraged even in areas even where they are capable.

• People who thought that they simply had not tried hard enough are more often motivated by setbacks [and continue to persist]… rather than disappointed.

• People who are praised for their learning skills rather than intelligence are more willing to take on more difficult learning tasks in the future. (So praise yourself!)

• Most people can learn AT ANY AGE to become MORE INTELLIGENT.

• The greatest difference between those who succeeded and those who gave up [and therefore failed] was PERSISTENCE not aptitude…

• Students for whom performance is paramount want to look smart even if it means learning nothing in the process. Each setback then becomes a personal threat and can lead to ‘performance anxiety’ thus reducing risk taking and creativity.

• Students, for whom learning is the paramount goal, take necessary risks and don’t worry about failure because each failure is perceived as a chance to learn.

• The same applies to all of us whether we are trying to achieve business goals or learn a new musical instrument,  a language or to study something new.

• If you’re afraid of making mistakes, you’ll never learn on the job and your whole approach becomes defensive… ‘I have to make sure I don’t screw up’ becomes the paramount goal.

Basically what this means is that you can probably achieve much more than your ‘fixed mindset’  about ‘I’m not a good piano player’ or ‘I’m not a people person’ or ‘I can’t do whatever…’  your limiting beliefs are about yourself.

This research backs up what we already teach at Quest for Life, which is that your beliefs impact on your behaviours. By believing that you can learn and taking the risk to potentially fail, you are more likely to succeed and achieve your goals.

So… it seems the main ingredient to success in any pursuit is persistence and believing in your ability to learn. This does not mean you succeed at everything you attempt to achieve but it does mean that you will learn a great deal and logically your potential for success will increase if you don’t give up at the first hurdle.

And here is a YouTube link with Professor Dweck talking about children but it applies to adults just as well…

Happy learning… Love Margie

Margie Braunstein

Margie Braunstein

Margie is a somatic psychotherapist and counsellor providing psychotherapy services to the people of the Central Coast and Sydney.  Margie lives on the beautiful Central Coast with her husband, two children, two dogs and a cat.

Over the last 12 years, Margie has also been engaged in the design, delivery and marketing of transformational learning programs. During this time she has regularly facilitated personal development programs for up to 50 people on weekend workshops, week-long intensives and advanced programs of 3-4 months.

Margie has a Graduate Certificate in Adult Education from UTS, Diploma in Psychotherapy from the Australian College of Contemporary Somatic Psychotherapy and qualifications in somatic therapy, executive coaching and relationship counselling.

Margie has a passion for personal development and regards people with respect, empathy and compassion in the belief that while we all do the best we can, a little bit more kindness and care can lead to even greater peace and joy in life.

 

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Stories

“Stories connect people across space, time and place”

I’ve been thinking about being on a Quest for Life program next week and am already feeling excited. I love being involved in this generous organisation with all its’ incredible diversity of work.  And one thing I love about our programs is the sharing of stories -a powerful and precious element of the program.  Some people are initially daunted by the idea of speaking of their situation yet once it unfolds, in the safe and confidential environment at Quest, the most incredible shifts occur.

The French essayist Montaigne said “it is not my deeds that I write down, it is myself, my essence’.    This is true of telling our stories -it is not the events we share, but ourselves.  So often I am amazed that someone telling something of their own lives seems to exactly describe my own experience.

We need to tell stories to better understand ourselves, it is an essential part of human nature. Stories help us to identify ourselves, to discover meaning, to gather insights.   Someone said it is “as old as cave paintings of the Stone age and as new as You tube”

Some people tell stories to anyone who will listen!  I have often had a complete stranger tell me their life story in the strangest of places – in the supermarket, in a bank queue.

We need to share our life narrative, to have it heard.   Saul Bellow says “everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door”

No doubt it’s the reason that memoirs, autobiographies and life stories are the most popular form of non-fiction, with talk shows, book clubs, and discussion groups springing up around them.   Reality TV shows and the huge growth of social networking also reflect our fascination with stories.

I read a lot – for entertainment, education and insight – and for me the best reading has the personal side to it. A friend gave me a beautiful book on Siciliancooking and even this cookbook is filled with stories of the cook and her family.

Stories have a strong impact on us – we may laugh, cry, feel uneasy, feel sad or inspired.

I hear stories of incredible adversity – families and situations spiralling out of control, all manner of struggle,  journeys with life threatening illnesses or mental health problems, confessions, tales of finding and losing love, accounts of pushing societal boundaries, I’ve heard it said that spontaneous remission is often accompanied by a ‘change of story’.

I always feel so connected from this sacred sharing and gain incredible insights.  It helps me reframe my own history.   As Petrea says we can get to a place where we have a story but we don’t have to BE our story, we are more than that.

In the memoir ‘I could tell you stories: soujourns in the land of memory’, Patricia Hampbl says the appeal of stories and memoir is “less an intrusive lust for confession than a hankering for the intimacy of this first-person voice, the deeply satisfying sense of being spoken to privately. More than a story, we want a voice speaking softly, urgently, in our ear, which is to say, our heart”

Thank you to all who have shared parts of your stories so generously with me, I hold them tenderly and preciously in my heart.

Bernadette Arena

Bernadette is a yoga and meditation teacher and group facilitator and has been teaching since the early 1990s.  She has worked with people of all ages, from diverse backgrounds and cultures and has developed skills of serving people dealing with significant life issues.  She taught community classes for children, teens, people with disabilities, the elderly, sports professionals, and also in corporate environments.

Bernadette has worked with the Quest for Life Foundation since early 2006 and is the Senior Facilitator on our residential programs.  Her work is treasured by our participants and our team. She has also been developing and refining a deep understanding of the use of appropriate yoga and meditation approaches for use in oncology and with serious illness.

Bernadette maintains close association with International Yoga Teachers Association and is a senior lecturer for their Teacher Training Course.  She has designed and delivered yoga teacher training courses for other organisations.  During 5 years in the UK she taught retreats, workshops and classes across the UK and in Europe and worked as a personal ‘lifestyle’ coach.  Bernadette brings a gentle and loving nature with insight and compassion borne out of her experience. She can assist a deeper connection with the body as a means to rejuvenate the spirit.

 

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A Mind Opening Event

Photo courtesy of http://www.sodahead.com

This week a number of us attended the Mind & It’s Potential Conference at Darling Harbour. It is so inspiring to see so many who have dedicated their lives to finding out more about the mind and human behaviour in the hope of alleviating stress and in some cases illness caused by how we install and run our internal ‘operating system’. The great news is that every single one of them said that it is never too late to change way we think and the way we choose to respond to any given situation in life. We heard a lot about rats!

The conference and it’s speakers had quite a profound impact on me with many learnings and much to reflect on. It was a mind opening and heart-full event. I have just been sitting on my balcony on this glorious Saturday morning reflecting on some of what I heard. I thought I would share some of that, whilst it is fresh.

Professor Carol Dweck held up a mirror that I felt both comforted and confronted by. She spoke of motivation and how it is used in schools and workplaces. She spoke of how this ‘motivation’ (carrot and stick) system often turns people into non-learners. The rest of her presentation was about how we make sure that people remain learners throughout their lifetime.

For the sake of not saying ‘She said….’ every sentence I will write this as the information presented – however it is Professor Dweck – not myself who is the brain behind the information.

There are two types of mindsets: the Fixed mindset and the Growth mindset.

The Fixed mindset sees talent as a fixed trait, they perform to look intelligent at all times and all costs, they believe that talent should come naturally and in the face of setbacks they hide their mistakes. In a fixed mindset failure is so humiliating they may even lie to themselves about it. It creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. Every situation calls for confirmation of their intelligence and the asking of questions: Will I succeed or fail? Will I look smart or dumb? Will I be accepted or rejected? Will I feel like a winner or a loser?

The Growth mindset sees talent as a malleable quality, a potential that can be developed, talent is a starting point. The Growth mindset is about learn, learn, learn, they believe that you work hard and the effort, not the result is the key. They face mistakes and confront inabilities. The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. In an organisation the growth mindset sees managers as mentors and collaborators, rather than judges.

Now until yesterday, I would have said that I am all about learning, that I spend a lot of time reading, attending conferences, throwing myself in the deep end – all in the name of learning. This presentation was like opening a window and letting the breeze blow through. I can see that particularly in a work environment, but I imagine in other contexts too – that I can come from a very fixed mindset. I have invested a lot of time and money in my life on looking intelligent; on proving my worth through how quick and sharp I think; on getting it right at all costs. I can see that this can be very challenging for those around me and not all that fun to work with. Pretty confronting. But also comforting. My logical brain now has a new lens to look at this with. I can see clearly how this plays out in my life. Now research has shown that rats have the ability to change these things. Good news is – so do we humans.

Carol assured us that you can change from having a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Probably not as easy as picking it out of the closet this morning when I get dressed, I know it requires awareness and work, and it feels like it is time to develop some new pathways. Thank goodness my brain is able to be rewired and retrained! I bought Carol’s book Mindset and will see that as my training manual, my guidebook on a new journey.

I wanted to share these thoughts as I know there are others out there who may resonate. I did not post this on the blog as a 360 degree feedback mechanism – so this is not an open invitation for people to provide feedback on whether you think I have a fixed mindset However I know that especially at Quest, people come from a place of compassion and acceptance and for your love and acceptance, I thank you. You may just see me practicing some new ways of being.

I’d love to hear your thoughts though on what out of this resonates.

I will close with a quote from Dr. Julian Short: Dignity is putting others rights before your wishes, never others wishes before your rights. I am committed to bringing more dignity to my life; both for myself and others.

……. and maybe today I am a little less fixed than yesterday.

Kate vanderVoort

Kate vanderVoort

Kate is currently overseeing the development and implementation of the new strategic plan for Quest for Life including developing programs for other organisations, online services, community outreach and facilitator team development.

Kate completed a Bachelor of Social Work and has more than 15 years experience in working in health, cancer and youth related charities and service providers. She has also studied yoga, meditation and a variety of training, presentation and coaching modalities. She facilitated with the Quest for Life Foundation in 1999 – 2000 and has since worked with Quest for Life in business development and fundraising roles. With more than 12 years experience in leadership and program development roles in the youth sector, Kate has a passion for creating a world in which young people wish to belong, be a part of and contribute to.

Kate has a consulting business – 3 Degrees of Connection (www.3doc.com.au) – and connects people, passions and projects through strategy and social media marketing. She lives in Sydney with her pet rabbit Heff……….and despite all those achievements, sees herself as a little less intelligent than yesterday.

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About Petrea’s Groups on Quest for Life Programs

The group room in Bundanoon

Programs Petrea’s groups are facilitated with no agenda for participants except that they be given every opportunity to realise their own expectations for the week.

When we follow the group guidelines we realise the importance of good intentions in groups. We also realise that people have their own best answers and what they long for is a safe place to explore their options.

After we put the 4 guidelines in place it is the facilitator’s responsibility to ensure that they are respected by everyone in the room.

When the group reaches a certain level of trust, something wonderful happens that is very noticeable to people. There is a kind of group intuition that develops which is like the group as a whole becomes a tuning fork for wisdom.

Whatever you call it—collective consciousness, team synergy, or co-intelligence, we find that when individuals come together with a shared intention, in a safe environment we feel the presence of the sacred. There is a sense of openness and awareness of something larger than us. What we call group consciousness. Our ability to communicate broadens, judgment gradually dissipates, and a great deal of creativity and self awareness comes forth.

We all move to a higher level of trust where we can be authentic and say how it really is for us. People sense that there is something present of immense value. Sometimes it shows up in an inner experience, either individually or collectively, as an “Aha!”. Other times everyone sits silent, because they are all reflecting on what has just been said or revealed.

In a way we are harnessing the creative power of collectives toward the resolution of our most complex problems.

A lot has been written and said about groups. Google words like ‘collective consciousness’, ‘collective intelligence’, or ‘group mind’ and you will get over 100,000 results. What we have discovered in our groups certainly agrees with this research, even though we never set out to prove anything, we have followed the 4 guidelines because they give respect to the individual and encourage us all to be authentic to ourselves and our own values, rather than living up to other peoples views or beliefs.

In the group, some find it is like dropping their personality and becoming part of a group consciousness where there is no competition, disagreement and no sense of conflict.

There is a tremendous sense of listening and awareness. People can just be real with what is going on for them. A relief really!

We find that this can be a rare experience for some. And it becomes something they want more of in the future.

When we put the guidelines in place, we create an environment in which we can explore our own creative responses to our own life challenges.

For a full schedule of Quest for Life programs click here.

Stay tuned for a future Blog: The Four Guidelines for Groups

Wendie Batho

Wendie has co-facilitated residential programs with Petrea for more than sixteen years. Prior to that Wendie spent over 25 years as a teacher, school principal and was involved in educational leadership and facilitation of school executive groups.

Ten years of this time was spent in PNG where she taught and worked for the government. Wendie has been travelling since the early sixties and is especially attracted to Asian cultures. She holds degrees in Anthropology, Education, Sociology, Theology and Political Science. Her current passions are her grandchildren, travel biographies, exploring Asia, 4×4 driving, reading everything she can get her hands on, and watching movies on the big screen at home.

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Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters

This is my favourite poem about personal growth. I use it again and again as a means to offer compassion and forgiveness to both myself and others on the path through life. I hope it brings some of the same to you….

I

Photo courtesy of http://freshpics.blogspot.com/2009/12/hot-pothole-photography.html

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost….I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down a different street

Thank you to Portia Nelson for this wonderful poem.
Love to you all……

Margie Braunstein

Margie is a somatic psychotherapist and counsellor providing psychotherapy services to the people of the Central Coast and Sydney.  Margie lives on the beautiful Central Coast with her husband, two children, two dogs and a cat.

Over the last 12 years, Margie has also been engaged in the design, delivery and marketing of transformational learning programs. During this time she has regularly facilitated personal development programs for up to 50 people on weekend workshops, week-long intensives and advanced programs of 3-4 months.

Margie has a Graduate Certificate in Adult Education from UTS, Diploma in Psychotherapy from the Australian College of Contemporary Somatic Psychotherapy and qualifications in somatic therapy, executive coaching and relationship counselling.

Margie has a passion for personal development and regards people with respect, empathy and compassion in the belief that while we all do the best we can, a little bit more kindness and care can lead to even greater peace and joy in life.

 

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Happiness is an Inside Job (Part 3 – Final)

…continued.

The search for happiness generally continues until life brings us some obstacles that cause us to question our existence and ponder how we might embrace the challenge that faces us. This challenge to our happiness might be a disappointment, a diagnosis, a disaster, a drama. Suddenly we are stopped in our tracks and we question ourselves and how we might proceed. This is a marvellous moment in time when we say to ourselves, ‘something’s got to change, and it’s me!’ We realise that it’s not about changing the outer circumstances of our life, but how we perceive and respond to these outer circumstances.

I well remember the day when this happened to me, when I realised that there was nothing to blame for my own misery. I was sitting in a small cave within a monastery in Assisi, Italy. I had secluded myself from the world to find some peace as I was grappling with illness and my imminent death from leukaemia. I could still be sitting there, a dusty little pile of bones now, muttering to myself, “it’s not fair! I shouldn’t have had a weird brother who told me, before he was ten years old, that he had to kill himself by the time he was thirty; I shouldn’t have had years in hospital and multiple surgeries to my legs in my teen years; I shouldn’t have been raped; I shouldn’t have got into drugs; I shouldn’t have been crippled with arthritis; I shouldn’t have had domestic violence and emotional abuse in my relationships; my brother shouldn’t have committed suicide; I shouldn’t have leukaemia, it’s not fair!’ But I realised that those things had happened and the challenge became, ‘am I willing to be defined by what has happened to me or can I be more than that?’ I knew I could trade of the wounds of the past as an excuse for my behaviour in the present or I could choose to see them as opportunities for healing and release.

Life provides us with endless opportunities to relinquish everything that has become second nature to us so that we consciously experience our first nature, which is love. Indeed, the sole/soul purpose of human existence is to release everything that has become second nature to us so that we can reveal our first nature. Once we understand this, life becomes an opportunity to embrace every moment with an open heart, free of judgement and a clear and quiet mind. Then, happiness is ours.

Petrea King

N.D., D.R.M., D.B.M., Dip Cl. Hyp., I.Y.T.A.

Petrea King is a well-known author, inspirational speaker, counsellor and workshop leader. She has practiced many forms of meditation since the age of seventeen and she is also qualified as a naturopath, herbalist, hypnotherapist, yoga and meditation teacher.

In 1983 Petrea was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia and was not expected to live.  Meditation and the integration of past traumatic experiences became paramount in her recovery, much of which was spent in a monastery near Assisi in Italy.

Since then, Petrea has counselled individually or through residential programs more than 60,000 people living with life-challenging illnesses, grief, loss, trauma and tragedy. Petrea sees crisis as a catalyst for spiritual growth and understanding and as an opportunity for healing and peace.

Petrea has received the Advance Australia Award and the Centenary Medal for her contribution to the community. She has been nominated for Australian of the Year in each year since 2004.

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Happiness is an Inside Job (Part 2)

….continued.

As young children we also marinate in our family’s, ‘I’ll be happy when…’ story. We hear our parents and others proclaim that they’ll be happy when they get a pay rise, a bigger car, lose a few pounds, start exercising, stop smoking, move to a better neighbourhood, when they go on holidays, when the washer in the bathroom tap is changed or the kitchen is renovated. Before long we believe that we will be happy when Christmas comes, when we go to school, when the exams are over, when we leave school, when we find the perfect partner, get qualified, have children, when they leave, when the divorce comes through or when we retire. In this way, we are deeply programmed to postpone our sense of happiness and contentment to a future time when things look different from how they are right now.

And, all this time, we are beginning to unconsciously adapt our behaviour to fit in with the environment into which we have been born. Perhaps if we have a loud and needy older sibling, we become the quiet one or the child that trades off her looks, or of being a brave boy, or the bright one, the funny one, the athletic one, the peacemaker or the responsible one. From listening to well over 60,000 stories from people who have sought counselling with me or attended our residential programs at the Quest for Life Centre, it seems that most of us adopt a particular persona that will work within the dynamics of our own family.

So, we arrive upon the planet as a fairly clean slate. We then feel our way into existence by mastering our bodily functions and receiving feedback, by absorbing the family’s values and judgments, by adapting to the family environment into which we are born, by learning to postpone our sense of happiness to a future time, by feeling our way into an identity which will (hopefully) meet our needs for love, attention and care. Much of this biology is established through our feeling experience by the time we are aged three, before we even have a language in which to articulate our experience. We then build beliefs that explain to ourselves why we ‘feel’ that way.

Such beliefs could be, ‘I’m better than (or, not as good as) everybody else’, ‘life’s a struggle’, ‘I have to earn my right to exist’, ‘no one understands or loves me’, ‘I’m a disappointment’, ‘my value lies in my ‘doing’, not in my ‘being’, ‘I’m unlovable’ and so on. Our beliefs then dictate our behaviours, our choices.

Gradually, it becomes second nature for us to feel a particular way, to think a particular way, to react in a particular way. We all seem to understand what we mean by second nature. The issue is what is your first nature?

To be continued….

Petrea King

N.D., D.R.M., D.B.M., Dip Cl. Hyp., I.Y.T.A.

Petrea King is a well-known author, inspirational speaker, counsellor and workshop leader. She has practiced many forms of meditation since the age of seventeen and she is also qualified as a naturopath, herbalist, hypnotherapist, yoga and meditation teacher.

In 1983 Petrea was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia and was not expected to live.  Meditation and the integration of past traumatic experiences became paramount in her recovery, much of which was spent in a monastery near Assisi in Italy.

Since then, Petrea has counselled individually or through residential programs more than 60,000 people living with life-challenging illnesses, grief, loss, trauma and tragedy. Petrea sees crisis as a catalyst for spiritual growth and understanding and as an opportunity for healing and peace.

Petrea has received the Advance Australia Award and the Centenary Medal for her contribution to the community. She has been nominated for Australian of the Year in each year since 2004.

 

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